Fuck You Very Much

Dear Women,

It’s going to be amazingly hot in London on Monday. So hot I advise coming to work in bikinis. So hot you won’t want to be carrying around any backup clothes or jackets or anything.

Hope that helps,
The Idiot

Ho cunts. What did I miss?

I’ve been off wanking into BA Robertson’s toaster, chucking women at the pope, bugling away my third nose and garrotting budgies for the Czech mafia.

I only remembered I had this cunting website when a cunt on Twitter flicked my ballsac with a wet towel, saying “Since there’s no email address on your website, I’ve had to sign up for this shit.”

Over there on the right, you are intended to see some text labelled “Fucking Contact“, which – in case for some reason you can’t see it, or you’re a cunt – says:

“The domain is idiotsplayground.com and the username is theidiot. If you can’t figure it out from that then I don’t want to fucking hear from you anyway.”

This remains as true now as it was when I shat it onto the keyboard.

Well bugger my arse. What the world needs now is more cunts shitting along on the web, so I signed up for Fucking Twitter. Yes. Fucking Twitter. Jesus.

It’s @the_real_idiot for your following pleasure. If you can actually offend me I might consider following back. Is that how it’s supposed to fucking work?

Oh god. That it should come to this.

Fucking brilliant. No, that’s great. Thanks. Cheers.

Actually could it hurt a bit more? I mean, it’s not like I’m fucking busy or anything. Great. That’s splendid.

EVERYONE’S WELL FUCKING IMPRESSED.

Cunting fucking teeth. They just give you gyp in the end. Rip them all out and drink soup, I say.

FUCKWADS.

So apparently, it’s OK to go to the pub at lunchtime, but it’s not OK to sit at your desk swigging from a half bottle of Stolly at lunchtime.

Who the fuck knew? SHOW ME WHERE IT SAYS.