Fuck You Very Much

Dear Women,

It’s going to be amazingly hot in London on Monday. So hot I advise coming to work in bikinis. So hot you won’t want to be carrying around any backup clothes or jackets or anything.

Hope that helps,
The Idiot

Do you drive? Do you? I do. I drive. I like driving. I don’t drive to work, because I live in Fucking London, and that would be absurd, but many weekends I drive to places that aren’t Fucking London and it’s all good.

But there’s more. My car is special. More special than most – though it’s not unique, there are others out there like it. I’ve seen a few.

What makes my car special is that on the corners there are little orangey-yellow lights. And when I feel like turning a corner or changing lanes, I can flick a lever inside next to the steering wheel and make two of the lights flash! The way I do it is I make the ones on the left side of the car flash if I want to turn/drift left, and the ones on the right flash when I want to turn or drift to the right. It’s brilliant! A few other cars have the same feature, and it’s almost as if there’s some sort of code of the highways that we follow that means we all do the same thing, so we know what each other is doing or about to do. It works quite well.

Sadly, most cars seem not to have this feature. They look like they have the same lights, but theirs don’t flash when the car turns or changes lane, so they must not be the same thing.

Shame really. It’s well fucking handy to know what every other ton-and-a-half of speeding metal is thinking about doing, when travelling at high speed.