Fuck You Very Much

Just fucking shoot the fucker, someone.

Women! Know this.

Ugg boots might be comfortable, but they are COMPLETELY FUCKING HIDEOUS.

No, really. I honestly hope those things are free, because you look like utter cunts in them. Without exception.

Walking around with your feet in two dead rotting badgers might be comfy too, but it would be pretty bloody nasty to look at.

Look, it’s so fucking simple even a television presenter could understand it.

If you give me a delivery date, and use the word “guaranteed” when you do it, and the item is in stock, it is NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE to then miss that delivery date.

It really isn’t. Look, here, I’ll look up the fucking definition of “guarantee” for you.

Here: “an assurance for the fulfillment of a condition“. You see? An assurance. As in, you are assuring me that my purchase will be with me on the date you fucking say it will.

OTHERWISE WHAT’S THE POINT? “Oh well the post service can’t always blah blah blah…” Well then you shouldn’t be throwing fucking guarantees around like they’re free, then should you? SHOULD YOU, CUNT?

Just fuck off, Amazon. Really. Just fuck off.